Awful, uplifting EDM

It's Tuesday so all sorts of new music comes out and I had the distinct misfortune of hearing "Stay The Night" the new song by musical terrorists Zedd featuring the reliably tone-deaf Haley Williams of the imitation Avril Lavigne band Paramore.  I hope that this terrible moment in music history has now reached it's nadir and we can give the top 40 back to pop, rock and R&B and return EDM to clubs and festivals where it belongs and give the inspirational, uplifting bullshit back to whatever adult contemporary charts it crawled out from under.   If you think I'm being hyperbolic about how bad this is try and make it all the way through this video:

I know, right?  It's like when two awful things come together to make something more wretched than the sum of their terrible parts.  But is it really the worst of the worst?  check out my rankings below of the most ubiquitous inspirational EDM songs of the moment.  

5) 'Safe and Sound' by Capital Cities  -  This one barely qualifies to be honest, it is actually a really fun song and had it come out any other year I probably wouldn't mind it one big.  But unfortunately we're sometimes judged by the company we keep so taken within the context of everything else out there right now I gotta fault them a little. 

4)  'Wake Me Up' by Avicci -   This one is fraustrating because I think it would actually work just fine as blues song without all the dance crap mucking it up.  The vocals Aloe Blacc are really good, despite the middle school diary poetry of the lyrics and the guitar part by Mike Einziger of Incubus is really strong.  The electronic production by Avicci does nothing by take away from what could have been a great accustic song.

3)  'Stay the Night' by Zedd - Now we are in the real dregs, I honestly just can't even bring myself to listen to it again to pick out specific things to complain about. 

2)  ' Don't You Worry Child' by Swedish House Mafia featuring John Martin -  I mean wow the nauseating delivery of such moronic lyrics are just baffling to me.  Who exactly is this crap appealing to?  If I want to listen to uplifting garbage about heaven I can tune to a Christian rock station and find a less irritating version of this.  And if I want to dance I certainly don't want to do so to a song about tearful father/son discussions.

1)  'Clarity' by Zedd featuring Foxes  - This song is worse than nails on a chalkboard and the lyrics make me wish I never learned to read.  The delivery of the vocals is so whiny and grating, the production on the rest of the song so very thin and lacking.  I think I would lose a litter respect for anybody that admitted to actually liking this audial abomination. 

Nobody Doesn't Like Katy Perry

billboard

      Katy Perry covers the new issue of  billboard magazine (sidebar, non-capitalized titles are so awkward it's like billboard thinks it is the e.e. cummings or bell hooks of music publications) as well she should since she has now tied Rihanna  as the artist with the most #1 pop songs tally thanks to the success of her new hit 'Roar'.  And in that once sentence I pretty much summed up most of what is wrong with the music industry.  Not that Katy Perry doesn't deserve to be hugely successful; of course she does, she makes very enjoyable pop music that all good natured people enjoy listening to in their cars.   But my issue with it is the simple fact that somehow a "pop songs tally" even exists and even more baffling that Rihanna and Katy Perry have now tied for the most number ones on it.   I guess the fact that Mariah Carey release a 17 track album of all number one hits, creatively titled 'Number 1's', in 1998 means nothing.  Nor the fact that Elvis freaking Presley has had 30 number one hits.  It is a reflection of the poor state of the music industry that they must invent new charts and recalculate the old ones to create the illusion that Katy, Rihanna even Queen Bey herself come close to the global domination of somebody like Madonna.

     Have you ever tried to research and find out how many copies of an album an artist as sold?  It is nearly impossible, countries are listed differently, digital sales separately the definition of platinum changes over time and location.  The only fact we can take away from this is that Katy Perry's music is currently more popular that most people and I'm pretty OK with that.  At the end of the day Katy Perry manages to make music that is likable without the need for many objections of qualifications.  I loved Gaga for a long time, but lately I find myself unable to say so without an explanation.  Britney still pumps out some of the best pop music in the industry but it is hard to fully embrace a sexy pop-star who can't own a smart phone or sign her own checks.  With Katy Perry you never get the sense that somebody else is pulling all the strings like with Britney or Rihanna and she never went though a jailbait phase either.  She was a grown-ass woman with some moxy and the sort of not-great voice that anybody can sing along with.  She makes music with major mass appeal, sometimes that can mean it is a bit generic but there is still just enough sense of whimsy to set it apart from the crowd.  I can understand Katy Perry not being your thing, but anybody who straight up says they hate her is going to be met with the same side-eye Chandler Big gets for not liking dogs. 

    If you want to read more, especially her gushing about her douche-tastic boyfriend John Mayer head over to billboard to read it.   And also, be sure to jump down to the comments section there to read some hilarious debating about who the true queen of pop is. (Hint, it's always Madonna). 

     

LMFAO at how terrible this music is

So here is LMFAO's appearance on Carson Daly, I tried to find an official video but I couldn't. I must say this may be the worst song I have ever heard in my life.




After seeing this appearance I get the distinct impression that they are trying to be funny, or something, right? There has to be some excuse for producing music this terrible. Are these actual serious musicians? Either way, if they are serious then they seriously suck and if they are trying to be funny they are failing at that as well. And also, I live in Minneapolis (aka the Twin Cities) the local radio plays a version of this that says "I'm in The Cities trick" which I find more irritating because of the local connection, and because it's just stupid when the lyrics clearly are not about Minnesota.