The Vampire Diaries: season 5, episode 1: I Know What You Did Last Summer
Unpacking a season premier can be a daunting task for any drama, especially when it is a drama that moves at the breakneck pace of The Vampire Diaries. I could take up an entire post just listing the things I forgot happened over the titular summer. (most embarrassingly I completely forgot that Katherine was the one who got the cure in the end and what I spent last summer believing it was Damon). Never before has the "previously on" been more important in helping us remember just what the hell is going on here, so a rundown after the jump.
Elena is still happily in love with Damon and moving in with Caroline for freshman year of TV college where dorm rooms are larger than my house. Jeremy spent his summer catfishing his loved ones into thinking Bonnie is still alive, because he came back from the dead but she didn't. Oh but don't worry Bonnie is still here in ghost form only Jeremy can see, probably so she can still bum us all out from beyond. Too decent to still be spending time with these people Matt spent his summer boning Rebekah around Europe before loosing the Gilbert family ring to some Eurotrash floozy. Stefan spent his summer at the bottom of the ocean's hottest nightclub, Torture it has EVERYTHING: never drowning because you're an undead vampire, going insane with hunger and bored and a possible psychic link to you brother and/or exgirlfriend who take turns asking you to turn off your humanity switch or keep it on. And also, Silas is back and looks just like Stefan, Tyler is away being a terrible boyfriend to Caroline and finally all the originals with their amazing hair and sexy accents have gone to their spin-off in New Orleans and took nobody's favorite Hayley the pregnant werewolf with them....Got it? OK, good, now onto the actual episode:
The action is divided between Elena and Caroline attempting to have a normal freshman year and Damon trying to hold down the fort in Mystic Falls. Elena and Caroline's plot is so far pretty straight forward. They were going to be roommates when randomly a third person was assigned to live with them in their jet hanger sized room. Of course this is a roommate that has secrets, such as keeping vervain in her water bottle to ward off the vampire roommates she presumably didn't know she would have. Parts of this plot felt uncomfortably similar to the first few college episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, taken with Stefan's straight out of Angel trapped at the bottom of the ocean plot it isn't exactly the best look for the show creatively. On the bright side they did take the story in some interesting directions. Elena and Caroline get invited to a frat party by a cute guy who seems interested in Caroline. He is black though, and it is this show so there is a 95% chance he is a witch and a 75% chance he is evil. (Seriously the racial politics of this show are still the most ridiculous on television). While attempting to get into the party without a direct invite from the house's owners Elena and Caroline get a call from their roommate, who moments later falls dead at their feet of a vamp attack. And wouldn't you know it, the campus security tries to cover things up AND the dead roommate had pics of her and Elena's father in her phone. So she may not have stuck around longer than Buffy's roommate but at least this one will probably be mentioned again, so there's that.
Back in Mystic Falls Jeremy is going back for his senior year after having died and been memorialized by his classmates last season...so that's awkward. Understandably some kids pick a fight with him, not really liking the implications of his "I'm a druggie who faked my own death for attention" cover story. And faster than the lifespan of Gilbert legal guardian Jeremy is expelled.
Being expelled will give Jeremy plenty of time to spend with the Salvatore mansion's newest guest, recently human Katherine! Katherine, as always, just makes everything better. She shows up, hating being weak and human but terrified of staying dead if she tries to turn and is just her usual snarky self. When Silas shows up she high tails it out of there with Jeremy and when Damon tells Jeremy to bring her back she grabs and will and wrecks to car to escape...I mean really, girl has got some moxie to be pulling that while human.
Silas is around to....I'm not actually sure yet, I don't think we have much of an idea as to what he wants at this point. He has been busy all summer long drinking blood and getting stronger and practicing his psychic powers which he demonstrates and one of the town's endless series of celebrations. (I guess given the death rate of Mystic Falls every day is cause for celebration). Mayor Bonnie's Dad gives a speech, which Silas interrupts by playing an evil game of Simon Says and making the audience watch him slice the honorable mayor's throat open before sending them off on a mission to find Katherine. Of course the ghost of Bonnie is there to see her dad be murdered in person, did she really think she'd make it a whole episode without being given something to cry about? But her dad was black and not a witch or even evil (just a dick) so he really had no business declaring himself the mayor of Mystic Falls anyways. Whoever appoints themselves mayor next better have a little more respect for the way we do things around here and get some damn magic powers before their unconstitutional coup.
All in all in was a pretty solid return for one of the most exciting supernatural thriller this side of American Horror Story. Yeah, and also I forgot about Matt OK....the chick he and Rebekah had a threesome with in Europe showed up and gave the Gilbert ring back only to have some dude grab Matt's head and make his eyes turn black....I don't know what this means either but I'm keeping my fingers crossed it means we'll get some Alaric ghost action to save the day somewhere down the line.
Back in Mystic Falls Jeremy is going back for his senior year after having died and been memorialized by his classmates last season...so that's awkward. Understandably some kids pick a fight with him, not really liking the implications of his "I'm a druggie who faked my own death for attention" cover story. And faster than the lifespan of Gilbert legal guardian Jeremy is expelled.
Being expelled will give Jeremy plenty of time to spend with the Salvatore mansion's newest guest, recently human Katherine! Katherine, as always, just makes everything better. She shows up, hating being weak and human but terrified of staying dead if she tries to turn and is just her usual snarky self. When Silas shows up she high tails it out of there with Jeremy and when Damon tells Jeremy to bring her back she grabs and will and wrecks to car to escape...I mean really, girl has got some moxie to be pulling that while human.
Silas is around to....I'm not actually sure yet, I don't think we have much of an idea as to what he wants at this point. He has been busy all summer long drinking blood and getting stronger and practicing his psychic powers which he demonstrates and one of the town's endless series of celebrations. (I guess given the death rate of Mystic Falls every day is cause for celebration). Mayor Bonnie's Dad gives a speech, which Silas interrupts by playing an evil game of Simon Says and making the audience watch him slice the honorable mayor's throat open before sending them off on a mission to find Katherine. Of course the ghost of Bonnie is there to see her dad be murdered in person, did she really think she'd make it a whole episode without being given something to cry about? But her dad was black and not a witch or even evil (just a dick) so he really had no business declaring himself the mayor of Mystic Falls anyways. Whoever appoints themselves mayor next better have a little more respect for the way we do things around here and get some damn magic powers before their unconstitutional coup.
All in all in was a pretty solid return for one of the most exciting supernatural thriller this side of American Horror Story. Yeah, and also I forgot about Matt OK....the chick he and Rebekah had a threesome with in Europe showed up and gave the Gilbert ring back only to have some dude grab Matt's head and make his eyes turn black....I don't know what this means either but I'm keeping my fingers crossed it means we'll get some Alaric ghost action to save the day somewhere down the line.
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